It's Not Fair

I was astonished.

Elizabeth and three of her girl friends were playing at our house. They were four and five year olds who had played together since before they could remember. There were never any issues until one or more of them became fussy tired.

I’m not sure if that was the case this particular day or if another factor triggered the phrase that stopped me dead in my tracks.

“That’s not fair”, said one of the girls. Apparently, whatever activity they were engaged in had not gone her way.

What I found incredible is that four year old girls had latched on to an expression that we adults hear with all too regularity from individuals interested in maneuvering others in order to gain something without effort.

One girl after the other spoke up that they hadn’t been treated fairly. A seemingly happy afternoon together deteriorated quickly. Soon, they all departed for their homes and I was left to discuss the events with Elizabeth.

As we discussed what unfolded, I tried to explain to Elizabeth that, “life is not fair.” Her initial response was one of resistance because she realized that the hope of life being fair was attractive.

In order for her to comprehend the reality of my statement, I used examples that I hoped she would understand. I asked, “Was it fair that your older brother died before he could celebrate one birthday?” “No”, she replied. Then, “Is it fair that some kids have things you don’t have?” Again, “no” was her reply.

“Is it fair that you have some things that other kids don’t?” I could see that the inevitable truth to my proposition was sinking in, as she again answered, “no.”

Some days later another group of girls were playing at the house. After a while, one of the girls became upset and uttered the infamous words, “That’s not fair.”

Curious as to what would happen next I stopped my activity and listened. This would be the test to see if the lesson had been successful.

“Tammy (name changed), life’s not fair”, Elizabeth stated to the girl. “Yes it is”, came back the retort from Tammy. “No, it isn’t”, Elizabeth, said. Elizabeth then related a few of the examples that I had used and the result was that the other girl decided not to press her case.

Occasionally, Elizabeth will still say, “That’s not fair.” When she does, I merely look at her and ask, “What do we see about life?” Without protest she replies, “Life’s not fair.”

I can’t tell you how pleased I am that she learned this lesson, and at such a young age. Knowing this will change how she approaches life.

Helen Keller lost her sight and hearing at 2 years old. Her family refused to have her committed to an institution, and instead hired Ann Sullivan who taught her to speak, read and write at 7 years old. Instead of focusing on why she had been dealt and unfair hand in life, she focused on what she could strive to accomplish. She was a tremendous influence by example and deed in the 20^th century of what one can accomplish when one doesn’t know what they can’t do.

It doesn’t matter who is President of The United States, which party is running the Congress, who sits on the Supreme Court, who is governor of your state, they cannot make life fair for you, me, or anyone else.

If life was fair, we would all have the same freedom, live to the same ripe old age, be equally attractive, be able to make a fortune as a professional singer or actor, never suffer the premature loss of a loved one, never get sick or be injured, never suffer a financial setback or be deceived, or any number of other events in life that we all experience individually.

We all rationally know that life isn’t fair, but some want it to be so badly that they allow themselves to be manipulated by others for the manipulators selfish purposes.

For those who hold out the hope that life is fair, it isn’t. Repeat after me, “Life is not fair, life is not fair, and life is not fair.” Now it is time to get over it, and get on with life. One finds an instant improvement in his or her attitude when they cease being angry with others who have some advantage over them, and experience gratitude when they realize how many blessings they have that others don’t.

© 2006 Richard V. Battle