It's Not My Fault

“Kids will be kids” is a time-honored expression that is used to illustrate examples of children’s behavior. Many times youngsters display behavior that is strikingly similar grown-ups in spite of not having been exposed to it previously.

I came home one day to discover my daughter Elizabeth playing with several friends. All of the kids were around five years old. After a few minutes, I heard a crash, as something the girls were handling was broken.

“What happened”, I inquired? “I didn’t do it” the first girl replied. “It’s not my fault”, retorted another. “She made me do it” answered a third.

It is amazing how early kids pick up the attitude of passing the buck I realized.

Where do they learn it? Because of their young age, I had a hard time believing that they had picked it up from their parents.

However, their behavior was identical to what we see adults display every day.

I made two observations from the display I observed from the kids.

First, it reaffirmed that a person who accepts personal responsibility is viewed as an exceptional individual. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is because we see it so infrequently.

As an employee, if you want to stand out, accept responsibility for your actions. Everyone will view you more positively in your business. I related the story in The Four Letter Word That Builds Character of an experience with my largest customer where I made a mistake and acknowledged responsibility. Doing so resulted in my cementing a business relationship, which earned me business every time I had a solution to offer the customer. As I was told later, they bought from me because they felt that I would be honest with them in every situation regardless of the result.

Second, I strongly believe that the kids were displaying human nature that is thousands of years old. It was documented by the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3 of The Bible. If you’ll remember, Adam and Eve both wore their fingers out pointing away from themselves when confronted about eating the forbidden fruit. Yes, they disobeyed the instructions they were given by eating the fruit, but their energetic disavowal of responsibility was an additional transgression.

In fact, falling into the trap of believing “it’s not my fault” is something most of us do or want to do occasionally. We see others behave this way and watch with great interest to see what happens after they try to avoid responsibility. If they get away with it, we are more likely to attempt the same. If they don’t we may want to try the same tactic, but are unsure of what the results will be. If we deflect responsibility and appear to get away with it, we may feel that we have won.

When the German army invaded Poland on September 1, 1939, Hitler used the defense, “It’s not my fault. Poland attacked Germany first.” Later it was revealed that Hitler had emptied a prison and dressed the inmates in Polish army uniforms. Then he took them to the border and had them shot in order to make it appear that Poland had attacked Germany. Some, wanting to avoid the war that was then inevitable, continued to believe his misstatements and desired to allow his continued free reign. Fortunately, wiser heads prevailed, and the world began the ensuing six year effort to defeat Germany in World War II.

In fact, winning in the short term by avoiding personal responsibility leads to a false sense of success. Only by accepting responsibility for our actions and seeing the resulting increase in trust and the resulting benefits will confirm that it is the appropriate action in every circumstance.

As I related to my daughter, Elizabeth, you will have many experiences in life. Her response to those experiences will go a long way to determining additional opportunities for her. If she learns early to resist saying, “It’s not my fault”, when it is and accepting her responsibility, she will be viewed more favorably by everyone.

© 2006 Richard V. Battle